Customer dissatisfaction survey

I called Vodafone recently to ask why my bill had gone up by 50kč without any warning - no letter, email, phone call, SMS, nothing to indicate that the bill was increasing until the next bill, which was higher. Clearly this was a decision taken by someone high up in Vodafone, as Barbora, the customer service operative I spoke to, had to flounder around in marketing babble before admitting that it had just gone up, sorry. She was as helpful as she could be, explaining that yes it had gone up, but that it was still the best value option I had. She was somewhat apologetic, even a little embarrassed, and it was a nice enough conversation despite the reason for my call.

After the call (which went on for about 15 minutes), I got a text from Vodafone:

"Based on your recent call, how likely are you to recommend Vodafone to a friend or colleague? Text a score from 0 (not at all likely) to 10 (extremely likely)."

What the hell kind of question is this and how can you possibly answer it? Would I recommend Vodafone to someone after they increased the bill without warning? No - but they're a phone company, so recommending one over the other is like recommending one loan shark or pimp over another, on the basis that your guy's only given you a black eye so far and it could have been worse.

So how can I make a decision whether I would recommend them 'based on my recent call'? Do people really recommend phone companies because of their customer service representatives' friendly banter? And how should I put a numerical value on that, somehow expressing my confusion and frustration at the unannounced increase in the price of my tariff, yet also communicating how my anger was muted slightly by the soothing balm of great customer service? In one digit? If they're going to demand useless information like that, they should be obliged by law to send someone to my house to watch me explain my predicament in interpretive dance as well, so they can take an average of the two. Maybe that would be the push they need to give up the endless customer satisfaction surveys.

It seems to me intensely unfair to judge a customer service representative on their 'score' after a call (and you can be sure that someone or some algorithm in their company is doing just that), when the reason for the call had nothing to do with that representative whatsoever. If I give her a 10, because she was friendly and apologetic and helpful, does that suggest that I am no longer annoyed about the price being increased without notice, and thus imply that the negative customer experience engendered by future increases can be offset by good customer service? But if I give a low score, based on my frustration at the reason for my call, couldn't that be construed as a poor reflection on her, in which case she'll end up taking the blame, despite the fact that she should be being praised for taking the flak for the cavalier attitude of her superiors?

I gave a 7.

Then I immediately got a second text, asking me how satisfied I was with the adviser I spoke to. Curses! If only I'd known about this second question! My first score could have been lower - much lower - a scathing indictment of their irresponsible and unethical business practices, of the arrogance with which they flaunt their own rules, safe in the knowledge customers won't leave and will just have to suck it up again.

I reacted instinctively, like a kicked dog. "10!" I yelped. How could I give her less? Confronted with the impossible task of rationalising her employer's greed and possible breach of contract, with nothing to offer as compensation because the company knows they don't need to, Barbora had made me feel sympathy towards her for her tricky situation, that of having to take the blame for the decisions of her employer, and scorn towards her employer, towards Vodafone, for consciously putting me in a position where I am likely to take out my anger at a customer service representative.

It's a strange job title 'customer service representative', when you stop to consider it. The person on the phone is officially 'representing' the company to you, the customer, so by rights your anger at the company can legitimately be directed at them, since they are, for the time being, its representative, its avatar in human form. Lots of customers do just that, get very angry and take their anger out on the person on the other end of the phone, but surely most, if not all of them, feel guilty about it either during the call or later on, once their anger has subsided and their conscience gently whispers to them that hey, that was another human being they were shouting at, barking absurd rhetorical questions with pious impunity, and moreover it was one who has no personal control over, or benefit from, the issue in question.

The 'service' they provide is not only a service to the customer (of being a sounding board for complaints), but also for the company - they provide a buffer, for the client to feel that their grievances have been listened to, without anyone with any control over the cause of those grievances having to waste their precious time listening to them. Thus, the job of the lowest-paid employees is to take front-line responsibility for the actions of the higher-paid employees, without ever snapping and telling the customer that they had nothing to do with it, so stop being such a prick. In fact, doing so would be anathema to the entire purpose of their job, that of maintaining the fiction of corporate responsibility. In other words, "We care, but let's not dwell too long on who 'we' are".

A third question followed: "Did we resolve your issue?" To which I was given 4 stock answers to choose from. I chose "Yes, but not on the first call to Vodafone", but strictly speaking that wasn't true either, because my issue was not only finding out why my bill had increased without warning (the answer being: "it just has"), but also the actual fact that it had. I found out the answer to the first question, but the second issue remains unresolved. That was not an option.

Finally, a request for me to "Please explain your ratings", to which I gave a brief description of my issue, and told them I was dissatisfied with the tariff being increased without warning, but that Barbora had been helpful. They didn't get back to me about any of it. Who knows what became of Barbora, tossed around on the stormy seas of customer service? Was she punished or rewarded, reprimanded or promoted? Or did no one else in the company take any notice whatsoever of our conversation or my feedback, as long as I'm not suing them or leaving the network?

I salute Barbora, keeping on keeping on in a hostile environment where her employer is actively making her job more difficult than it needs to be, all the while ready to pounce on her, should a customer take out their frustrations at the company on her, in the form of a low score given to an ambiguous question. What a strange and uncaring place the corporate world is.